Books you should be reading to your kids RIGHT NOW, no matter their age.

I’m a book-nerd. Big surprise. I’m raising my kids to be book-nerds too. While in the womb and from the second they entered the outside world, I’ve been reading to my little minions. It’s a way that I am able to connect with my clan while calming us all down, whether as cranky infants, crazy toddlers, hormonal elementary kiddos or a stressed mommy, reading always brings our blood pressure down and a smile to our faces.

We head to the library once every week to return our books and pick out new ones to explore. I’ve loved sharing with my clan classical favorites like The Velveteen Rabbit, Charlotte’s Web, The Little Critter series, Goodnight Moon and some other classic reads, but with three kids, all different personalities and ages (sort of) I’ve read my share of good and also some really bad. Though the bad seem to out number the good, the good ones are so damn good that I end up forgetting about all the bad ones.

With summer upon us and its long days and energetic youth, I wanted to share my list of the “really good ones” that you should be reading to your kids right now, no matter their age.

Is There Really a Human Race? By Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell

Those who have read my posting material before know that I’m a big believer in relishing what you have and not pining for what other’s may have (a.k.a keeping up with the Joneses). Is There Really a Human Race goes along with this thinking, teaching little ones through word play on “human race” that living isn’t about racing one another it’s about being our own very best which means that in the end we all win the “race”.

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I’m Gonna Like Me – Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem By Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell

Another by the genius duet . Reminding little ones of all shapes and sizes (along with their mommies who also come in all shapes and sizes) that we should love ourselves no matter what. Telling us to embrace our assumed faults, that we should like ourselves when we are good and bad or our when our ideas are different and our feelings are mad. As long as you like yourself, you’ve already won the popularity contest.

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An Awesome Book, a little book about dreaming big.  By Dallas Clayton

I’m obsessed with this book, it’s illustrations and the delightful way Clayton uses words to touch your heart and blow your mind. Telling our babies, big and small, that dreaming big is always the way to go. But rather than dreaming about superficial things like “matching silverware” and fancy cars, keep dreaming about the crazy and creative that make each of us and the world uniquely amazing.  My kids love the pictures that match the dreams told through the words of Clayton. A story for little ones to grow up making big dreams and a reminder for us grownups to never stop dreaming. Check out an online version of the book here!

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I’m always trying to push healthy foods on my kids. I have a tendency to make them choose a physical activity over a stagnant one (unless it’s cuddling with their mommy and a good book). So when I can find books that get the wheels of the minds of my minions when it comes to actually eating healthy foods, I want to find the addresses of these authors and drive to their homes to thank them in person while gifting them with lots and lots of home-baked goods.

The Avocado Baby By John Burningham

This one got my eldest to try an avocado something that would need a hypnotist to actually be achieved. I’m in love with this green little piece of heaven. I eat an avocado every day. I sneak avocado into my kiddo’s smoothies. I triumphed in having one of my clan members (the little girl of course) liking my favorite green fruit.

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The Gulps By Rosemary Wells

A favorite cartoon of my eldest is Max and Ruby, so of course we would seek out all books written by the creator Rosemary Wells. In finding Wells we found the Gulps family. This book makes me laugh while scaring the shit out of my kids. It makes my little ones (and myself) think twice about what goes into our mouths and how much television we might be watching. I often find myself saying things like “Would the Gulps eat that?”

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I’m convinced that every parent chooses one book over and over to read to their little one(s) because they personally love that book more than their child. A choice that speaks to their own child at heart while nourishing their adult daily reality. The soul nurturing reads that I always choose are Big Words for Little People (again by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell) and Love You forever  By Robert Munsch.

BWLP is one that celebrates the messy of life with the use of big words that sometimes stump our little ones. It gives light on the words we mommies and daddies use to describe some every day situations that we sometimes wish weren’t actually happening but also shed some light on some words that make our life complete like LOVE and FAMILY.

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Love You Forever tears at my heart because I too watch my little ones sleep while wishing they would stay small.  I read this book to my kiddos to let them know how much their mommy loves them and that other mommies love their kids that much too … no matter how many birthdays will pass. I also have a hidden agenda of making sure that I have my butt covered when I am old and gray and they wake up in my arms as I carry them to my empty nest home to rock them in my arms – this way they won’t think that it’s weird 🙂

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Father’s Day Bonus: MY Father the Dog By Elizabeth Bluemle

This one makes my minions and I laugh because though our daddy doesn’t resemble a dog in looks he sure fits the bill in this book as being a dog disguised as a human. We love him and always scratch his head and rub his belly. This is the perfect gift for daddies on Father’s Day to share with their kiddos for some laughs and quality “sit in the lap with a book” time.

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Please share your must reads in the comment section!! I’m always looking for more good reads!

 

 

Summer is Coming …

Summer is coming …

With summer only a day away I’ve decided to change-up my posting focus and schedule. With all three kids home 24/7 and busy schedules for not only myself but also my readers, I’ll be trying out some new ideas to bring some sort of organization to the madness. This article is to share these strokes of brilliance with you.

Summer is coming …

And so is the #ETHANproject and Mommy’s Yoga Challenge. And what the hell are those? The answer to that question will be found in the other two posts Enjoying the Here and Now (hence ETHAN) and  Mommy’s Yoga Challenge that were also published today. Just look for the one you’re interested and read up!  (You can find these in the home section of The Funny In Mommy blog, on my personal Facebook page as well as The Funny In Mommy page. )

Summer is coming …

Sprinkled among the predictability of these summer challenges will of course be some unpredictable posts. Having three kids and an inner control freak can only mean that I will rebel against focus and organization, taking the opportunity to word vomit all over the internet with my stories of being a messy wife, mommy and woman. So look forward to those posts as well. Also remember that you can always sign up to be notified by email when Funny in Mommy posts a new article. To sign up just populate the “Have posts sent straight to your email!!” box with your email address. Super easy, super convenient and super smart.

Get ready … Summer IS coming!

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I Didn’t Appreciate My Mom.

I’ve always loved my mom. But I can honestly say I don’t think I fully appreciated her as my mom until I became a mom.

Now I realize the sacrifices she made. I understand how she must have felt when I succeeded, failed, cried, laughed or even turned her away. I understand all that her heart endured because now I endure those same obstacles and triumphs. NOW I fully appreciate her as a mother and woman not just as my mommy.

Now at 31, most of my memories are the ones upon analyzing and picking apart my mom made possible through some sort of magic or maybe it was just unconditional love.

Within my appreciation is also admiration. Admiration for the role model and woman she was as grew from a little girl into a woman. She provided me with and has been my biggest fan when it comes to my writing. Since I was small she has done nothing but applaud my story telling skills. She still tells me often that she knows I’ll make something of my writing someday. My mom gave me my love for books and reading. She taught me how to apply eyeliner and blow dry my hair with a round brush. However, I didn’t inherit her social butterfly ability, or her big boobs. We now bond over HGTV, thrift store finds and the odds and ends of life.

When I became a mom it seemed to tear away this curtain to reveal all I was unable to see before. Now I see clearly all that her love holds and all that she still does for not only me but also my sister and my children.

This Mother’s Day I am not only celebrating my mom but I am truly appreciating all that she is.

Happy Mother’s Day mom, I love you as I always have, but now I fully appreciate what that love means because of you.

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Five Years, Five Life Changing Realizations.

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Five years. My eldest, Braxton, will be five today. Five years ago he came into this world, changing my world. Five years.

Five Years, Five Life Changing Realizations.

There’s something about that first-born. Maybe it’s all that one on one time from the moment they enter this world. The bond and love I felt when Braxton entered the world was beyond what I could have even grasped prior to becoming his mommy. It also put the world into perspective. As I sit and reflect on my little man turning five I think about what I learned in the last five years through being his mommy and what could I share with others that would benefit their own lives as mommies. Here are my top five life changing realizations dedicated to the first five years of Braxton’s life. Happy Birthday crazy, I love you the last number in the world.

Five Years, #1 Life Changing Realization:

After having his brother and sister I can tell you that I did not take for granted one moment of Brax’s first year. We were glued at the hip. We co-slept. We read. We talked. We walked. We yoga’d. We built friendships. We moved. Every breath I took smelled of sweet baby. I can tell you that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Those first 365 days shouldn’t be rushed or wished away. Every second should be milked for all it’s worth because that first year (and of course the ones that follow) is absolutely incredible to witness. I now realize that I should have done the same with his brother and sister (though ping-ponging between two babies at the same time). I’m so very thankful that I can share with future moms and moms in that first year that YES, breathe it all in, every second, every moment . It really all does go by incredibly fast.

Five Years, #2 Changing Realization:

Bad moments don’t make bad mommies and there is always the ability to repair those bad moments I have had my share of meltdowns. I am not talking about my kids having meltdowns but rather ME, the supposedly responsible mommy. There have been days where I have yelled or cried, throwing fits when it came to having to deal with things that were annoying or stressful. I have snapped at my children or was quick to say no. I have made them cry. However, these bad moments don’t make me a bad mommy. I have a magnet on my fridge that says one single word “REPAIR.” This came from a MOPS speaker that relayed this same message of mommy not being defined by her bad moments. That when we do have these bad moments, we step back assessing the situation and REPAIR what we may have done wrong or the emotional pain we have caused. So when I feel like that bad mommy, I stop, hug those babies and REPAIR.

Five Years, #3 Changing Realization:

I am more than just a mommy. I want my son to know this and learn from it. I want to be his role model – yes, even as a female. I finally did something with this knowledge of self and let the world know that i am not just a mommy. I have my own dreams and secrets. I am forever young and always learning. Though my title in society is “Mommy” I am so much more than just a mommy. I am a woman who is a writer, yogi, health nut, lover and a million other things. I want my son to see me as all these wonderful perfect and imperfect characters of me. I want him to know that he too should be all he wants to be, dream big, stay young and striving to fulfill his desires while living his life as whatever he may want.

Five Years, #4 Life Changing Realization:

Parenthood is like a sleeping bag. A sleeping bag stitched together by guilt and fear with a zipper made of doubt. Guilt that you are never doing enough, fear of what your child will face and doubt of your abilities to fulfill all their needs while meeting all of yours. The real kicker is that though you spend your days inside this sleeping bag the lack of sleep that you actually get as a parent is mind-blowing.

Five Years, #5 Life Changing Realization:

Nothing will ever be perfect. The house will never be really clean. I am an imperfect person living in an imperfect world … and I’ve realized I that I need to embrace that. Some days will seem perfect where dinner is hot and on time, the beds are made, with hair and makeup in place and kids obedient and smiley.  However these seemingly perfect days will be outnumbered by the chaotic ones filled with sticky fingers and late arrivals.  But precise hair and makeup or a shiny clean house or a picture perfect dinner isn’t what truly makes our kiddos happy.  At the end of the day dirty feet, messy hair, a sparkle in the eye and a full heart are what they actually need.  I’ve watched my son grow over the last five years and the chaotic days rather than the perfect days are when he smiles the most.

Happy birthday Braxton, you are my favorite first born 😉 Thank you for all you have taught me in the last five years, all the laughter and joy, the crazy, the funny, the tears and most of all .. love. 

Call the Babysitter, 8 Date Night Ideas To Pass Off as Your Own.

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As I mentioned before, we plan a date night out at least twice a month for mommy and daddy alone time. Since we are not only paying for anything involved in the actual date we are also paying for a sitter to watch our little ones while we get away to play. With all the cash we end up dishing out for an evening we make sure to take full advantage of the opportunity for freedom.

Last week we were able to get out of the house on a last minute date that would last 5 hours. A large amount of that time was used in trying to decide what to do. We relied on a list of past dates to fall back on.  To help out fellow readers in the dating idea arena I figured I would share our best date night expeditions as spring flourishes and love fills the air. Plus, though dinner without kids is always nice, sometimes it’s boring and gets to be the same old thing.

1. Rock Climbing: This is a favorite of ours. It not only burns calories from yummy dinners but is an activity that has a foundation on communication and trust with your partner. As you work through each wall you and your date communicate on footing and rope support since each of you are in charge of supporting the other through a pully system.

2. Cooking Class: As avid Food Network watchers and lovers of food we are always looking to try new dishes and techniques in the kitchen.  We took a class given by an executive chef through Cooking Skills Academy. It was awesome as we were able to execute, eat and doggie bag three different meals. Classes range from pastries to sushi to basically any foods your stomach and heart desire. We bought another class on discount to head to some time this summer.

3. Educational Speaker: I loved school and therefore I love listening to people talk about what they know. My husband, though often playing critic, enjoys learning from watching. By combining these loves we often find ourselves at events that are speaking engagements. Recently we attended one on health, diet and nutrition presented by journalist Bill Kurtis and Dr. Brian Dixon at the local college. We learned a lot to better our family, enjoyed one anothers company and it sparked lots of couple conversation on our ride home and after. In educating ourselves we opened doors to communication in our relationship.

4. Arcade: The pictures above were taken during my birthday celebration (where some drinks were involved) after we spent many tokens and hours on old and new arcade games. Lucky for us there was also a photo booth to capture our date and love.

5. Old School Bowling/Miniature Golf: With having a competitive man it’s easy to convince him to play any game especially one that involves him talking about how he is left handed. Hanging out at old school bowling alleys and put-put terrains makes us feel like were teens again, not to mention the people watching at these venues is fantastic.

6. Thrift Store Hop/Antiquing: As most of 30-somethings, the DIY bug bit us long ago too. We spent this Valentine’s Day hitting resale and antique shops looking for steals, deals and unique pieces not to mention old ass games from our childhood for our kiddos like Bed Bugs and Twister.

7. Get Physical: As I have shared before I am a lover of yoga. Because of this love and because my husband loves me we often hit up classes together when I successfully convince him too. We even went as far as attending a fitness resort for a three day weekend where our days were filled with instructor led classes, green foods and fresh air.

8. Spa Me Baby: We discovered spas during our honeymoon seven years ago and fell in love with massages and assorted treatments. My husband spent many hours in pedicure chairs during our pregnancies where we were free to relax and indulge in conversations of our future babies and lives. Eventually we found ourselves a nice couple massage this past Thursday making the date a success.

As for the future and to keep things interesting, we hope to attend the opera some time this year. We also just scored a Groupon for extreme trampolining therefore a date full of laughter and jumping is in our near future.

Happy dating and keeping marriage and yourselves interesting!

***(Discounts for most of these can be found online or through sites like Groupon.)

Polka-dotted Necks of Hope.

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Giraffes. Simple and elegant animals, but in 2009 for me they were a sign of hope, a positive focus in a world that seemed to be falling apart.

During the fertility treatments of my first pregnancy I kept focus on my baby goal by stockpiling giraffes. Keeping focused on the baby I knew we would come to have and fighting the demons of sadness that threatened to turn my world upside down, I stockpiled stuffed, plush, ceramic, DIY, musical, pretty and ugly giraffes. I would wander into Targets to Walgreens to Oscos to boutiques stockpiling, leaving with little polka-dotted necks hanging out of bags or in my arms.

Feeling alone, feeling angry and out of shame and self-pity I hid the secret purchases in the spare closet of our town home. It may have been sad to others but for me it was only preparation. I was preparing for the baby that I knew in my heart we would come to have. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t a hoarder. It was all I had in a world that felt so empty.

Those giraffes that filled the dark corners of that spare closet were meant to see the light of day, to hear the cries of a baby and to witness the love of a mother. After one wrong diagnosis, two doctors, three rounds of treatments, eight months of ultrasounds and sonograms, twelve purchased giraffes, over 100 used needles, 200 band-aids and endless days of hopeful yearning we became pregnant with one sweet little boy.

Those polka-dotted yellow necks of hope found a new home in a bright airy nursery. They left their dingy closet for the smells of sweet baby skin in April 2010.

For the rest of my life the beauty of a giraffe will mean something more to me. The beauty representing a time of pain that was overcome by a dream nourished by hope.

For those who find their self on such a painful journey, never give up hope, always stay focused, even if that means stockpiling wild animals.

#NIAW

Do We Raise Rapists?

I have a little girl.

I have two little boys. 

I watch the Lifetime network. I have been to college. I read the news. I know rape exists. I know men rape women. I know my little girl will some day be a woman. I know there is the chance … I can’t even type the words. So what do I do? I protect her, I teach her to protect herself.

But what about my boys? I want to protect them too. I want them free of harm but I’ll be honest. Not once has the thought of how I will talk to my boys about rape has entered my mind. Why would I? My boys are by nature sweet and gentle, my boys will know. Or do they? Is it my job to teach them? To have this conversation?

Thinking of my little girl, thinking of all I see in the media, yes it is my job.

Yes, I will have this conversation of rape with not only my little girl but also my little boys one day. I will teach them to say NO when they are not comfortable but also to acknowledge when someone else is saying NO and are uncomfortable.

Take a look at what Anna Akana had to say on the subject. I’ll let you know that she doesn’t voice her opinion delicately to which I say “BRAVO ANNA, BRAVO!”

Anna Akana on How To Not Get Raped

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Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

“Don’t worry it’s just a boner.” Add that phrase to the list I thought I would never be saying, especially in the middle of the night surrounded by stuffed animals and pirate wall decals.

For the last couple of weeks the oldest of my three has been waking in the middle of the night with his little friend having a case of morning wood.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

The first time it happened we thought it might be the stomach bug AGAIN, since he was claiming the pain was in his tummy. However, through trial and error and having a 2 am conversation with an emotional 4 year-old we discovered it was the infamous boner. I knew being the mommy of boys I would eventually come to deal with this tent popper but I didn’t know the day would come so soon.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

Through the use of Google we figured out the best way to deal with this middle of the night visitor was a trip to the bathroom and a cold wash cloth while saying …

“Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.”

Fast forward a month after the first night visit of the skin avenger. The boner shows up earlier than usual, at 10 pm. Though often letting daddy handle this ordeal I figured I would help out and try calming my first baby down as my better half went in search of the superhero known as C.W. (cold washcloth). I tried my best in calming my hormonal mini-man down as C.W. entered the scene. What happened next will forever be imprinted on my mind.

To my horror, and in slow motion, as C.W. tried to rescue the Halperin family from the boner, my future kindergartener began peeing. The stream shot up into a perfect arch and onto my head. That’s right, my head. There I stood with urine dripping from my hair as my husband tried his best to contain the golden stream.

At first it was an out-of-body experience but when I realized what had actually happened I retreated to our master bathroom. As I looked at myself in the mirror and the aftermath of a golden shower, all I could do was laugh. This is motherhood.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

Needless to say, I have learned my lesson and boners will be left up to the male parent who shares this hobby. If I find myself having to handle this situation solo, I’ll just have to tell myself, “Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner”.

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Convincing Mommy to Leave Maternal Nature for Sexual Nature

Part 2

Remember I am not a sex therapist just a mommy with a sex life that sometimes takes a back  burner to all the other life and lives I got going on. Just a mom talking out loud about a factor of life that is often kept on the DL, so take or leave the findings I share in Part 2 of Sex? I Ain’t Got Time For That.

Leaving Maternal Nature for Sexual Nature: This is a big one for me. I am a mom all day, everyday. As much as I love being a mommy by the time the clock hits “bed time” the last thing I want to think about is someone else besides myself. But I also want to be “taken away” by someone else.

I want to be taken away from my unshowered self. Taken away from responsibilities of meals, homework, diapers, endless cleaning, nap schedules, sticky hands and powerless chaos. My favorite scene in Moonstruck is when Cher gets her hair and makeup done, buys a new dress and spends a whole day “wining and dining” herself in anticipation of her date to the opera with Nicolas Cage. I WANT THAT. I want to feel glamorous and sexy. I want time to myself to be just me as I get ready to be with my man.

So often I find myself throwing on clothes and my hair up with all three small bodies of my children clamoring around me as I try to get ready for a night out with my husband. Rather than leaving the house feeling like Moonstruck Cher I still feel like Mommy Halperin. Then with the meter racking up on paying a babysitter sometimes it feels like a rush to the finish line of our date. How foolish my younger self had been in taking advantage of the leisure dates and the hours available to ready myself for them.

In my research and writing this piece I realize that I need to be vocal about this with my husband, letting him know the importance that taking care of myself means not only to me but also the frequency of our sexy time together. From my own and the feelings of those I have read about, one of the key ingredients in making a woman feel sexy isn’t about jumping her bones but allowing her to feel good in her own bones. We as mommies need to own that, communicate that and get our daddy-lovers on board with making that happen. Are you hearing this too daddies? Make your mommies feel as if they are the center of the world before the date night even starts. Give her space to feel herself away from kiddos and responsibilities. In doing so she will feel herself right into your arms and bed.

Status of Wife/Mother: A thriving status of wife/mother is reflected in her home, children and outward appearance of her material things and behavior of her family. To upkeep the order and control in an often powerless phase of life she has the never-ending To-Do List. This list begins to take over.  Adding to the list is the emphasis that society places on the focus of children in the family unit. The schedules and needs of children become the priority of their parents. Parents become bogged down with so many responsibilities they begin to say “No” to the things they used to enjoy or be rewarded with in order to find time for all the grownup “To-Do Lists” of life. Too often this “No” is to sex. Mopping floors, conference calls, car pools, dirty laundry, work emails, bath times, poopy diapers and all the rest start to become more important than saying yes to sexy time. Think about that. What are we saying “Not now” to?

Though it may seem straightforward it’s not. It’s all blurred lines when it comes to between the sheets. We are actually saying no to our lovers and they are internalizing that as rejection. We aren’t just saying “No” to sexy time but “No” to an intimate time with our beloved that we deserve after a long day. We are responding “No” to a communication that is not shared with our children or strangers but with the one we chose to be our partner in this game of life. We our turning our back on the raw emotion that brings couples together in the first place.

From my personal knowledge and the conversations I’ve had with others it is 99.9 percent the woman who is saying “No”, so mommies start saying “Yes” to sexy time. But daddies, convince your women. Make them feel wanted and needed in away that makes them feel deserving and not at the beck and call of another … mommies spend their whole day focused on others, the last thing want is to feel as if they are just fulfilling someone else’s wishes again. CONVINCE your lady to say “Yes”.  Listen to her needs outside the bedroom, in doing so it will eventually lead a path to the bedroom. You’d be amazed at the effect that dusting and handling a bottle of Windex has on your woman.

Well folks that’s it for Part 2. The points I’ve shared will hopefully bring a new conversation outside of the bedroom that will also lead to new talk between the sheets with your partner. Sometimes it just about opening the door to communication not only with your lover but also yourself. Communication that causes you to stop amid the chaos of everyday life in order to look at what is most important. Nurturing that most important, making time in your life for it and the person that you chose to start this crazy life with.

I’m the new JT, Bringing Sexy (time) Back

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In Sex? I Ain’t Got Time For That, I promised findings, tips and Aha! thoughts about moving sexy time from somewhere on the bottom of the “Honey-Do List” to the top of the “Honey-Do-Me List”.  As you may have guessed the amount of information on the subject of sex in marriage is astounding. So, readers, I give you the first two topics (you are welcome) of this black hole of data, facts and opinion:

Stability vs. Mysterious: When young and free to distribute our resources wherever we want, we tend to focus on our wants and nothing is farther from a want than lust. We lust after a partner, one who is usually mysterious. It’s exciting to discover and explore the inner workings of another’s mind and outer workings of their body. Thrills are what the young desire.

As we began to ripen with age, looking more in the direction of marriage, mystery is what we avoid. No one wants to commit to someone they feel they do not know. No one wants to vow to another who is unpredictable. No one is looking for exploration of the unknown but rather for stability. We want a stable partner. We want to build a relationship on a solid and supportive foundation. Without a stable foundation a relationship is sure to crumble. So the reckless young-ins’ start buying life insurance, purchasing matching furniture and analyzing school districts. We share everything with “the one”, from childhood stories to days without makeup to dirty boxers on the ground to tag teaming the toilet when the stomach bug has hit your home. You become safe and you become stable.

But what happens when stability becomes a little too much familiarity? When all the mystery begins to disappear and your husband farts in bed which seems to then be trapped under the covers leaving little desire for sexy time. Or you find yourself talking about what’s for dinner as you pee with the bathroom door open and your spouse leans against the vanity without blinking an eye as you finish, pull up your panties and flush the toilet. I knew we had crossed that line when my better half watched me pluck my eyebrows and then asked me if I would have a uni-brow if I didn’t “keep them in check.” Something about him imagining my resemblance to a Muppets character made me stop this grooming habit with him in the room.

When your husband is no longer the secret agent man and you are more likely to go topless to nurse your baby than seduce your husband it’s probably time to add a little ambiguity to your daily conversation and actions.  Whether that means as a man you keep your belches to yourself for 24 hours or as a woman you wear his favorite “night ensemble” to bed rather than just your granny panties. The best way to add some mystery back in, is by thinking back to those days of thrills and obscurity. What didn’t or did you do to impress your lover? What didn’t or did you say to add some thrill? Take a trip in your mental time machine and bring some of that unknown back to the interactions within your marriage.

Redistribution of Resources: Adulthood, marriage and children cause a shift in priorities, interests and who we are as individuals. Our bodies, friends, hobbies, lifestyles, finances, work schedules and relationships change. These changes cause a redistribution of “resources.” Our focus moves from our “self” and our love interest to other areas that become of importance. This reallocation results in less time, less freedom, more responsibility, less money, more material wants, less sleep, more power, less privacy, more rules, less communication, more public persona, less intimacy.

With all this less, the time and effort that a couple once devoted to one another and the infatuation with their relationship becomes a thing of the past by accident. I can relate with remembering that prior to children and mortgages we would spend over a hundred dollars 2 to 3 times a week on dining and wine-ing out on the town. Prior to being “safe and stable” we spent full weekends being careless on the couch or in bed with just us and whatever actors filled the television screen. Now those type of indulgences seem wasteful and irresponsible, now we have grocery budgets and work to be done during “off work” hours and not to mention three other small humans to entertain, feed and care for.

From what I have read and from what I have experienced, scheduling is key in devoting time and resources BACK to your partner as a lover. Each month we sit down with an actual tangible calendar and figure out date nights which we then solidify by setting it up with our babysitter while making reservations in advance. This past year we planned a trip away together just husband and wife. We made the reservations, paid for the trip in advance and lined grandma up to watch the three gremlins. Having time to focus on one another is an instant gate way to the opportunity of sexy time. It reminds you that this person standing by your side is not just your best friend but also your lover.

With all the responsibilities we take on as adults and as parents, finding time to devote to your marriage in the mundane of life is also crucial.  Often we are so bogged down with responsibilities outside of our marriage that we forget all the dumb things we would do together rather than alone. With kiddos I find myself running errands or “getting things done” with them while Daddy is at work or without anyone while Daddy is home to watch them. When we first moved in together we did all the mundane things of life together. I now appreciate the time we spend, sans children, at the grocery store or Target or catching up on Celebrity Apprentice, E even dropped in on my yoga class one evening to spend time with me. Just be sure that when you are spending these mundane moments together that you are fully present. Put the Smartphone down and close the lap top, don’t just be a body next to your honey – be there body AND mind.

With all that I have found and want to share, through practicing my own mysterious persona (and teasing readers in the process), I am leaving the next “Sexy Back” findings for a future installment titled “Convincing Mommy to Leave Maternal Nature for Sexual Nature”. Until then, think upon where your resources are being allocated as well as practicing some mystery instead of just stability!