Suburban Findings: 6 Who Are You Steps.

six

The follow up to  Who Arrrreee Y-O-U?? 6 Steps to Finding Out

The suburban scientific findings to what happens when the six “who are you” steps are applied to the common crazy lady.

First a brief step recap:

#1.  ASK.

#2.  TAKE A TIME MACHINE.

#3.  F-U-N.

#4.  TEST THE WATERS.

#5.  INTRODUCE YOURSELF.

#6. ACT HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL and ACT HOW YOU FEEL. 

Second, the outcomes:

#1. I asked those closest to me for a one word description of who I was:

My eldest son: sweet. My youngest son: strong with muscles. My daughter: good coloring. My two closest friends: Real and tenacious. My mom: Inspiring. My little sister:  My husband: Stunning.

I took those descriptive words in, let them settle into the crevices of my brain folds and then reflected. When it came down to the nitty-gritty it turned out that everything I wanted to be, I actually was in the eyes of those that really mattered. I wanted to be a mom that was tender and sweet. I wanted to lead a life that was real and tenaciously productive. I wanted to inspire others with my writing, thoughts and actions.  I wanted to be physically and mentally fit. By asking those that were closest to me with the clearest insight of my true self their answers gave me a reality check that I had been wasting so much time beating myself up for the personality traits I thought I lacked and the personal goals I considered too far to reach. In reality I carry all the traits that I have admired in others and my goals are actually accomplishments. Why was it so hard for me to see that? 

#2. I certainly feel my best when engaging in tasks that I enjoy, but also grow from. When I am accomplishing goals I feel on top of the world, because I am being productive in what I set out to do and recognizing it all at the same time. I think my confidence and knowledge of who I was took the biggest hit when I found out that as a woman I couldn’t just get pregnant “on my own”. This huge part of my identity sort of just was there one day and not there the next. I felt as if I was a failure. I failed myself and I failed my husband. In my eyes I was a broken woman, unable to have babies.  My body had betrayed me. Suddenly my plan was no longer in my control. Suddenly, I was battling with a problem that I had no knowledge of. It wasn’t fair.  Enter >>> Uncertainty of everything and self. Though six years and three babies later,  it’s unfortunate that I realize my confidence has yet to move on from that place of uncertainty. At least I know where the start took place.

#3. F-U-N. I thought about myself in college … I had a lot of fun then, but the majority of what was fun then was reckless fun. Did I want to be reckless again? NO. Was drinking large amounts of booze still fun to me? NO. So I went another decade back to when I was a child. My findings proved better during that era. My interests were still very much introvert-ish, writing, reading, exploring nature whether it be a field, beach or forest. I loved being near family with a small tight group of friends. I relished in experiencing really good comfort food after getting my hands in the baking or cooking process of it all. The bright lights and busyness of the city caught my attention and made my imagination dance. I was obsessed with laughter. Had an interest in crime and anything media related to it (think Law & Order or Forensic Files).

So I started writing again like a mad woman. Jotting notes, writing articles, leaving unfinished ideas on my computer screen, in the margins of magazines and in the pages of 3 different notebooks.  Reading books two at a time, mostly non-fiction one on Paleo, one on meditation one on happiness. I took to yoga in classes and on my mat at home. I planted some plants and puddled around in the yard with the kids. We are booking a trip to Chicago as a couple to experience the bright lights, the hustle and the bustle as adults. I’m doing a whole lot better at declining invites to things that make me shudder and altogether avoiding situations that may lead to me having to engage in some social activity that wouldn’t be my idea of F-U-N.Focusing on the friendships that scream closeness rather than those relationships that scream surface.

#4. This was sort of a cheat when it came to me. I basically had all the same interests that I did as a child but wasn’t necessarily making them a priority, nor was I shouting from the roof tops about them.  How could I when Facebook and every f**king magazine I picked up was telling me I should be interested in wine bars, the Kardashians, wearing yoga pants just because and hitting the Starbucks drive-thru before I wasted my time trolling the pages of Facebook – GAG.

What it came down to, again, was an issue of self confidence, I needed the confidence to actually be okay with claiming my activities and interests. Going against the norm, had always been my forte so why should I be surprised that my norm was not so norm??? So I started making it the norm, seeking out those who shared my interests or who didn’t care if I loved coffee or wine, as long as I was not a serial killer.

#5.  I feel sort of funny about this one so I’ve decided to designate this intro task to a friend or my husband. Next time I’m out I’ll have my designated person introduce me in this way, I am a mom but NOT just a mom.

#6. One thing I did notice while in my time machine as I visited my college self was that I acted how I felt and felt how I acted. I would probably be described as free-spirit or bad-ass bitch as a 21 yea-old. Now, at this phase of my life,  doing so isn’t celebrated so much, I’m sure if I told a mom that i didn’t like her and I didn’t like her kid’s attitude, I wouldn’t be so cool. I’m pretty sure if I wore what I wanted no matter the venue or the event I may be kicked out. I’m positive the CPS may look into the upbringing of my children if I felt like “calling off” for the day, sleeping in, laying on the couch while I binge watched Project Runway or Law & Order ignoring all other breathing beings.

But I could Looking further into the details of #6 … ACT HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL. I wanted to feel fun, I wanted to feel genuine, I wanted to feel energetic I wanted to feel at peace. I started planning fun events with my loved ones and friends. I focused on reaching out whether in small or big ways to those that meant the most to me to be my most genuine self.  I started partaking in activities that gave me energy but also provided peace. I started taking care of ME (mind, body and spirit) which in turn made me feel how I wanted to.  The reflection is still in process, as long as I remind myself that rather than wishing I felt one way, why not act how I wanted to feel?

Now it’s your turn, who are you? Apply the 6 steps or even just one to find out. 

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