Five years. My eldest, Braxton, will be five today. Five years ago he came into this world, changing my world. Five years.

Five Years, Five Life Changing Realizations.

There’s something about that first-born. Maybe it’s all that one on one time from the moment they enter this world. The bond and love I felt when Braxton entered the world was beyond what I could have even grasped prior to becoming his mommy. It also put the world into perspective. As I sit and reflect on my little man turning five I think about what I learned in the last five years through being his mommy and what could I share with others that would benefit their own lives as mommies. Here are my top five life changing realizations dedicated to the first five years of Braxton’s life. Happy Birthday crazy, I love you the last number in the world.

Five Years, #1 Life Changing Realization:

After having his brother and sister I can tell you that I did not take for granted one moment of Brax’s first year. We were glued at the hip. We co-slept. We read. We talked. We walked. We yoga’d. We built friendships. We moved. Every breath I took smelled of sweet baby. I can tell you that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Those first 365 days shouldn’t be rushed or wished away. Every second should be milked for all it’s worth because that first year (and of course the ones that follow) is absolutely incredible to witness. I now realize that I should have done the same with his brother and sister (though ping-ponging between two babies at the same time). I’m so very thankful that I can share with future moms and moms in that first year that YES, breathe it all in, every second, every moment . It really all does go by incredibly fast.

Five Years, #2 Changing Realization:

Bad moments don’t make bad mommies and there is always the ability to repair those bad moments.  I have had my share of meltdowns. I am not talking about my kids having meltdowns but rather ME, the supposedly responsible mommy. There have been days where I have yelled or cried, throwing fits when it came to having to deal with things that were annoying or stressful. I have snapped at my children or was quick to say no. I have made them cry. However, these bad moments don’t make me a bad mommy. I have a magnet on my fridge that says one single word “REPAIR.” This came from a MOPS speaker that relayed this same message of mommy not being defined by her bad moments. That when we do have these bad moments, we step back assessing the situation and REPAIR what we may have done wrong or the emotional pain we have caused. So when I feel like that bad mommy, I stop, hug those babies and REPAIR.

Five Years, #3 Changing Realization:

I am more than just a mommy. I want my son to know this and learn from it. I want to be his role model – yes, even as a female. I finally did something with this knowledge of self and let the world know that i am not just a mommy. I have my own dreams and secrets. I am forever young and always learning. Though my title in society is “Mommy” I am so much more than just a mommy. I am a woman who is a writer, yogi, health nut, lover and a million other things. I want my son to see me as all these wonderful perfect and imperfect characters of me. I want him to know that he too should be all he wants to be, dream big, stay young and striving to fulfill his desires while living his life as whatever he may want.

Five Years, #4 Life Changing Realization:

Parenthood is like a sleeping bag. A sleeping bag stitched together by guilt and fear with a zipper made of doubt. Guilt that you are never doing enough, fear of what your child will face and doubt of your abilities to fulfill all their needs while meeting all of yours. The real kicker is that though you spend your days inside this sleeping bag the lack of sleep that you actually get as a parent is mind-blowing.

Five Years, #5 Life Changing Realization:

Nothing will ever be perfect. The house will never be really clean. I am an imperfect person living in an imperfect world … and I’ve realized I that I need to embrace that. Some days will seem perfect where dinner is hot and on time, the beds are made, with hair and makeup in place and kids obedient and smiley.  However these seemingly perfect days will be outnumbered by the chaotic ones filled with sticky fingers and late arrivals.  But precise hair and makeup or a shiny clean house or a picture perfect dinner isn’t what truly makes our kiddos happy.  At the end of the day dirty feet, messy hair, a sparkle in the eye and a full heart are what they actually need.  I’ve watched my son grow over the last five years and the chaotic days rather than the perfect days are when he smiles the most.

Happy birthday Braxton, you are my favorite first born 😉 Thank you for all you have taught me in the last five years, all the laughter and joy, the crazy, the funny, the tears and most of all .. love.