Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

“Don’t worry it’s just a boner.” Add that phrase to the list I thought I would never be saying, especially in the middle of the night surrounded by stuffed animals and pirate wall decals.

For the last couple of weeks the oldest of my three has been waking in the middle of the night with his little friend having a case of morning wood.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

The first time it happened we thought it might be the stomach bug AGAIN, since he was claiming the pain was in his tummy. However, through trial and error and having a 2 am conversation with an emotional 4 year-old we discovered it was the infamous boner. I knew being the mommy of boys I would eventually come to deal with this tent popper but I didn’t know the day would come so soon.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

Through the use of Google we figured out the best way to deal with this middle of the night visitor was a trip to the bathroom and a cold wash cloth while saying …

“Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.”

Fast forward a month after the first night visit of the skin avenger. The boner shows up earlier than usual, at 10 pm. Though often letting daddy handle this ordeal I figured I would help out and try calming my first baby down as my better half went in search of the superhero known as C.W. (cold washcloth). I tried my best in calming my hormonal mini-man down as C.W. entered the scene. What happened next will forever be imprinted on my mind.

To my horror, and in slow motion, as C.W. tried to rescue the Halperin family from the boner, my future kindergartener began peeing. The stream shot up into a perfect arch and onto my head. That’s right, my head. There I stood with urine dripping from my hair as my husband tried his best to contain the golden stream.

At first it was an out-of-body experience but when I realized what had actually happened I retreated to our master bathroom. As I looked at myself in the mirror and the aftermath of a golden shower, all I could do was laugh. This is motherhood.

Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner.

Needless to say, I have learned my lesson and boners will be left up to the male parent who shares this hobby. If I find myself having to handle this situation solo, I’ll just have to tell myself, “Don’t Worry It’s Just a Boner”.

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