Remember I am not a sex therapist just a mommy with a sex life that sometimes takes a back burner to all the other life and lives I got going on. Just a mom talking out loud about a factor of life that is often kept on the DL, so take or leave the findings I share in Part 2 of Sex? I Ain’t Got Time For That.
Leaving Maternal Nature for Sexual Nature: This is a big one for me. I am a mom all day, everyday. As much as I love being a mommy by the time the clock hits “bed time” the last thing I want to think about is someone else besides myself. But I also want to be “taken away” by someone else.
I want to be taken away from my unshowered self. Taken away from responsibilities of meals, homework, diapers, endless cleaning, nap schedules, sticky hands and powerless chaos. My favorite scene in Moonstruck is when Cher gets her hair and makeup done, buys a new dress and spends a whole day “wining and dining” herself in anticipation of her date to the opera with Nicolas Cage. I WANT THAT. I want to feel glamorous and sexy. I want time to myself to be just me as I get ready to be with my man.
So often I find myself throwing on clothes and my hair up with all three small bodies of my children clamoring around me as I try to get ready for a night out with my husband. Rather than leaving the house feeling like Moonstruck Cher I still feel like Mommy Halperin. Then with the meter racking up on paying a babysitter sometimes it feels like a rush to the finish line of our date. How foolish my younger self had been in taking advantage of the leisure dates and the hours available to ready myself for them.
In my research and writing this piece I realize that I need to be vocal about this with my husband, letting him know the importance that taking care of myself means not only to me but also the frequency of our sexy time together. From my own and the feelings of those I have read about, one of the key ingredients in making a woman feel sexy isn’t about jumping her bones but allowing her to feel good in her own bones. We as mommies need to own that, communicate that and get our daddy-lovers on board with making that happen. Are you hearing this too daddies? Make your mommies feel as if they are the center of the world before the date night even starts. Give her space to feel herself away from kiddos and responsibilities. In doing so she will feel herself right into your arms and bed.
Status of Wife/Mother: A thriving status of wife/mother is reflected in her home, children and outward appearance of her material things and behavior of her family. To upkeep the order and control in an often powerless phase of life she has the never-ending To-Do List. This list begins to take over. Adding to the list is the emphasis that society places on the focus of children in the family unit. The schedules and needs of children become the priority of their parents. Parents become bogged down with so many responsibilities they begin to say “No” to the things they used to enjoy or be rewarded with in order to find time for all the grownup “To-Do Lists” of life. Too often this “No” is to sex. Mopping floors, conference calls, car pools, dirty laundry, work emails, bath times, poopy diapers and all the rest start to become more important than saying yes to sexy time. Think about that. What are we saying “Not now” to?
Though it may seem straightforward it’s not. It’s all blurred lines when it comes to between the sheets. We are actually saying no to our lovers and they are internalizing that as rejection. We aren’t just saying “No” to sexy time but “No” to an intimate time with our beloved that we deserve after a long day. We are responding “No” to a communication that is not shared with our children or strangers but with the one we chose to be our partner in this game of life. We our turning our back on the raw emotion that brings couples together in the first place.
From my personal knowledge and the conversations I’ve had with others it is 99.9 percent the woman who is saying “No”, so mommies start saying “Yes” to sexy time. But daddies, convince your women. Make them feel wanted and needed in away that makes them feel deserving and not at the beck and call of another … mommies spend their whole day focused on others, the last thing want is to feel as if they are just fulfilling someone else’s wishes again. CONVINCE your lady to say “Yes”. Listen to her needs outside the bedroom, in doing so it will eventually lead a path to the bedroom. You’d be amazed at the effect that dusting and handling a bottle of Windex has on your woman.
Well folks that’s it for Part 2. The points I’ve shared will hopefully bring a new conversation outside of the bedroom that will also lead to new talk between the sheets with your partner. Sometimes it just about opening the door to communication not only with your lover but also yourself. Communication that causes you to stop amid the chaos of everyday life in order to look at what is most important. Nurturing that most important, making time in your life for it and the person that you chose to start this crazy life with.