Sex? I Ain’t Got Time For That.

Sex takes time. Sex makes babies. Babies take up time. Babies make sex go away … and so do all other adult responsibilities.

Scenario: I “know” a couple (husband and Wife) who have three children. Husband was away on business, Wife was alone with the 3 offspring. Husband comes home and thinks “oh-la-la”. Wife thinks “Another larger human to help me”. 24 hours after Husband gets home, he and Wife are on same page… Sexy time. While Child A is eating Cheerios, Child B is down for the count with a stomach bug and Child C is restrained in booster chair eating breakfast while being entertained by Child A, Husband and Wife break for the bedroom. Fast forward and sexy time is interrupted by Child A yelling he needs more Cheerios. The yell becomes more dramatic. The yell turns to crying over Cheerios. The crying gets closer and louder as the small human that it comes from is climbing the stairs to find Husband— no make that Daddy and Mommy. Sexy time over.

Sex? I ain’t got time for that.

I got meals to be made. Dishes to be done. Reports to be checked. Clothes to be washed. Children to be bathed. Books to be read. Dogs to be let out. Meetings and appointments to be made. Bills to be paid. Lessons to be researched. Workouts to be conquered. Pinterest boards to be pinned. DVR’d shows to be watched. A body that needs showering. Hair that needs drying. A face that needs painting. A bed to be slept in. Sleep to catch up on. Drop offs and pick-ups to be made on time. Dusting and vacuuming to be completed. Small human beings to be enriched and cuddled. Facebook posts to be read and updated……………. and …… sex to be had (when the above is completed to perfection).

Sex? I ain’t got time for that.

My spouse has suits to be worn. Sex to be had. Numbers to be achieved. Sex to be had. Assessments to be collected. Sex to be had. Bosses to be answered to. Sex to be had. Calls to be returned. Sex to be had. Commutes to be driven. Sex to be had. Schedules to be kept. Sex to be had. DVR’d shows to be watched. Sex to be had. A bed to be slept in. Sex to be had. Sleep to catch up on. Sex to be had. Small human beings to be enriched and cuddled. Sex to be had. Facebook posts to be read and updated. Sex to be had. Sports to be watched. Sex to be had.

Sex? He’s sorta got time for that.

According to numerous articles found on the all-knowing Google and research, couples have sex twice a week on average … Is this every week? Is a week five or seven days? What is on average? Who are these couples? Do they have children under the age of 5? Are these couples on vacation? Where do they find the time? How long is each sexy time session? What is going on here?!? Did I miss the parenting class on “Sex, I DO GOT time for that?” But then as I read more and thought longer, it all made sense. There IS time for sexy time. It’s about remembering that prior to being parental partners, Mommy and Daddy were romantic partners. 

So how does one go about moving sexy time from somewhere on the bottom of the “Honey-Do List” to the top of the “Honey-Do-Me List”?? Ain’t no mommy got time to research that, so let me do it for you. In the next installment of The Funny In Mommy, titled “I’m the new JT, Bringing Sexy (time) Back”, I’ll be sharing my findings, tips and Aha! thoughts with readers on how to bring sexy time back.


Brooke Halperin Low Res37

6 thoughts on “Sex? I Ain’t Got Time For That.

  1. Sam says:

    Loved it! If my mind wasn’t always distracted by the extra sounds (kids), sexy time would be easier. Or, if we could go to a hotel, just us with no other worries. After 4 kids, we try to fit it in but most nights, one of us wants to be pampered by the other. We have “spells” of sexy time. We will have a couple nights in a row and then it might be a week or more. I look forward to your follow up


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