No baby doll here.

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I didn’t want kids. True story.

I went from not wanting kids to spending my days as a high-powered “pro-bono” mommy with three little ankle bitters shadowing my every move.

I listen to other mothers and feel out-of-place when they talk about wanting nothing more their whole entire life than to be a mother. That their rooms were filled with baby dolls and their go to game as a child was house. I on the other hand spent my fondest memories in Army Navy Surplus, climbing trees, playing office or author in make shift “cubicles” and even throughout college claimed a no baby policy for my future. No baby dolls here.

On my windowsill there were Jem dolls with wild hair and risqué outfits leading jet setting lives but no baby dolls.

I struggled and still struggle with this. Am I to lie and say I always wanted to be a mommy? I think if I did, the jig would be up because I would roll my eyes as I said it. Am I a mistake? Do I suck at being a mommy because I didn’t spend my childhood dreaming of changing diapers or avoided little rolly polly babies like the plague throughout high school and college? I have to give myself credit and say no. Though there were no baby dolls in my past, my present and future hold real babies that consume my heart.

I don’t take lightly to other mommies who belittle other women on having dreams or living out their passions. I don’t approve of females that look down upon little girls that pass the baby doll up or refuse the tutu and ballet slippers. Even though their were no baby dolls in my past I do not criticize or judge those who did, I celebrate them. My daughter may even be one some day (though right now she passes up baby dolls for anything with fur rather than skin). I also envy them because they now have completed their dreams where I have just started.

For me being a mommy is just a fraction of what my childhood dreams conjured up long, long ago while just a kid in Indiana. I feel I have so much more to complete. As a kid there were imaginary novels to be published and author recognition to be sought, but there were no baby dolls. The thing is, I am 100% okay with that. I embrace not feeling complete with where I am.  Though I would kill and be killed for my children that I love unconditionally and full heartedly I have yet to feel complete.  I also encourage other mommies to embrace that feeling, the ones who do not know that “baby doll past.”  It’s okay to feel not yet complete even though society says a good mommy should feel this once blessed with children. But if you don’t and feel restless inside, it would mean denying your dreams and your children of a role model that is meeting their true potential. So embrace your version of that baby doll from your childhood dreams, whether it comes in the form of writing, photography, sports, singing, dancing and the many other wonders of the world.

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3 thoughts on “No baby doll here.

  1. Nadia says:

    Brooke, I totally relate. I didn’t want kids myself and I typically do not disclose this to other moms because I feel like I would be judged. Especially by those women who struggle with infertility. Although I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without them and I miss them even when apart for a few hours I can’t help but wonder…what else is there for me in this life? Great and honest writing, Brooke.

    Like

    • The Funny in Mommy says:

      That’s exactly the feeling I have EVEN with the infertility issues I had. My kids are my everything but only a fraction of the woman I seek to be. I hope that makes sense and makes you know that you aren’t alone and there is so much more out there for you 🙂

      Like

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