There are days where parenting is not pretty. In fact it’s super ugly. For real.

Though I never want my children to ever, EVER run away, there are days before noon even hits that I want to run away. Run away to a villa in Italy or a fancy apartment in New York or a beach house in Maine. ANYWHERE but HERE. I would never do that of course I love my kids and my life too much. But holy shit, there are hours or even full days that are mind-blowing. Things happen that, though I don’t even drink, make me want to pop open a bottle at 7 am like I used to in college.

Parenting books don’t have a chapter with solutions to these days and I don’t care who you are, you’ve had one of these ESPECIALLY if you have more than one child. At least when I had one I could mentally run away during nap time but now there is no mental break. So HOLD ON FOR THE RIDE MOMMY.

For awhile I felt guilty when I had that run away feeling. Wanting to run when Brax was moving from crib to toddler bed at 2 years old and I was laying on the floor of his room pregnant with twins until he fell asleep. Daydreaming of a sandy white beach when the twins were infants and I had a baby connected to my boob at all times. But none of these days or occurrence lasted forever. Everything was a phase. But at the time and even today when shit hits the fan, running away seems like a really nice plan. So I do … I run away mentally through a good book  or a date night with my husband. I get the hell out of the house and chaos of three little fighting minions by having a laugh with a good friend or a call to my mom. I run away through getting my thoughts on paper through writing. I give a big middle finger to parenting when my husband and I take a vacation away for more than 24 hours. I act like a delinquent when I take the 4 minute drive to the salon where I spend an hour and a half talking about ANYTHING but kids with my young, single and beautiful stylist.

So here’s to saying F-U parenting!! Sometimes you just gotta run.

(*I am writing this after the following events happened today prior to 1 pm. I was awoken by the blinding hall bathroom light where Brax was taking a poop at 6:10 am. He then proceeded to turn the light off only to turn on his even brighter flashlight heading into my room. He climbed into my bed with unwashed hands from his morning poop. Glorious day. My husband leaving for work asked if I had seen his wallet. “No, but could you please hit the power button on the coffee maker to start it?” He responds Yes. After climbing out of bed and going pee with Brax standing in the bathroom talking about crocodiles  and what craft we would be doing today we headed downstairs. I went over to the coffeepot that was still off … no one turned it on for me. Brax requested waffles. Sitting eating his waffles as he looked through a book he hit his plate off the table and on to his lap and floor. Tears instantly. 6:54 am, yay.

7:19 and I am on the treadmill to get my 40 minutes in before the twins are fed up with the confines of their cages. While I’m daydreaming of all the fancy parties that I’ll be invited to when I hit it big as a writer. Brax walks in “Look mom I found some sparkly marbles.” He has in fact taken little glittered balls off a wreath that had been up for Christmas and placed them in a bag. Great.

Fix a quick breakfast for the twins and grab them from their rooms. Braxton now wants a bowl of greek yogurt to eat with the twins. Everyone is screaming and laughing about Brax making some weird noise with his mouth as he falls off his chair on to the ground. Preoccupied with the comedic relief the twins do not eat their breakfast. Yay for wasted food and time.

We are dressed and out the door to make it to Brax’s sports class at the park district. Getting out the door only one child has socks on and it’s snowing but he does have snow boots on so I think that counts. Everyone is asking for a snack due to their lack of consumption at breakfast. And as I get my keys out of the desk drawer I find a sippy cup of milk from YESTERDAY in the drawer. We make it on time to the class to drop Brax off but clearly Travis is devastated that he cannot stay because I must pick him up as he screams and cries through the hall, past the front desk, into the parking lot and the car ride home. Once we arrive Travis some how finds a snack bag of Erik’s Doritos in the garage that I must wrestle away from him.

I herd the twins into the sitting room to read some books and complete some puzzles while big brother is away. As we are reading Hailey wanders away. I think nothing of it. Two books later I go looking for Little H and find her eating the Doritos that I had taken away from Big T. Upon taking the chips from her she begins to cry uncontrollably and proceeds to get so worked up she spits up/pukes the bright orange chips she has already consumed onto the dinning room floor. Woo hoo. 10:38 am.

I think you get the idea of how my day is going so I will save you the replay of how our hand print craft and lunch went. Let’s just say I was giving a big old middle finger to parenting when I put the twins down for their nap.)