I Confess.

I know I’m in the middle of relaying our goals of The Year of Simplicity but since I am scattered brained I figured I throw a related but other posting into the mix this Monday. It’s related since it has to do with goals and resolutions for 2015 but these are all related to this Mommy.

Upon reviewing the Mommy List it appears 2015 will not only be about simplicity but also facing fears. What better way to face your fears than to make them public? What better way to bring resolve to those fears and comfort to your soul than to devise a plan and execute it publicly?

Confessing to fears + devising resolutions = Soul-tions.

So here comes the part that I confess my fears and the resolutions I hope lead to conquering those fears:

1. Fear of self-acceptance. Though I’m adamant about exercising daily and eating healthy, I’m not great at taking care of myself mentally and emotionally. I continually put myself on the back burner and my family first. This year I’m taking the opportunities to care for my self, inside and out. I was a woman before I was a mommy/wife and I realize that in order to be the best mommy/wife I can be that I need to care for the woman I am first. I struggle with feeling good about what I see in the mirror, consistently putting myself down — if only my nose was smaller, teeth straighter, hair lighter, boobs bigger, thighs smaller and the list goes on. I’m facing my fear this year head on by collaborating with a fellow mommy Jenn Spangenberg (owner of Pretty in Pics Photography) and amazing friend. I’m getting in front of the camera, ALONE. No children, no husband, just me. For years I’ve been increasingly avoiding pictures at all costs (speaking to this before in Vogue, strike a pose, there’s nothing to it) out of lack of self-confidence. Not this time. I’m getting in front of the lens with Jenn behind the camera. Facing a fear that in turn forces me to accept myself.

2. Fear of rejection and failing. This all has to do with my writing career. In order to conquer this ugly monster I just need to follow some simple steps. 1. Enter one piece of writing into a contest or publication for review. 2. Two to three blog entries per week. 3. Face and conquer my social media stupidity and learn about and utilize Facebook, WordPress and Twitter to grow a larger following. 4. I’ve started an outline and LOTS and LOTS of notes for my book, but need to focus on turning the jumble into an organized format, I plan on achieving this by completing a chapter every other month.

3. Fear of starting something new all on my own. I was approached by the Children’s Ministry Director of our church to start a MOPS group for the congregation. My goal is to have a final start by September 2015. I’d be here all day relaying the steps that goes into this but just know that I’ve already started the process and what’s better is I have other women supporting my efforts. If I let my fear overcome my goal I would not only be letting myself down but also these others who have come to support me.

4. Fear of the expressway. Yes, you’ve read that right. Though I’ve been driving for over a decade, made numerous trips cross country and held a job in sales that lead me down the expressways of Illinois daily something happened two years ago. Shortly after having the twins I developed this fear of driving on the expressway, more so on overpasses that deal with heights. My stomach instantly tightens, my limbs weaken and my thoughts and heart race like a drank a shit ton of coffee. So just like that, it’s been two years since I drove on the expressway. It’s ridiculous and I’m embarrassed to say it but it’s the truth. I can’t have that fear, it just won’t work for me. With the help of my loving and lack of patience husband, he’s going to help me conquer this fear with baby steps and acting as a supporting accountability partner.

5. Face my fear of being a jerk of a mom. I never want my kids to look back on when they were little and think I was too uptight or no fun. I confess that there are days when I’m probably a jerk and no fun in their little eyes. I don’t want that, I want them to remember all the fun and love they were surrounded by. How to do this and what to work on? My patience with my kiddos. I truly believe by wiping out the excess through making The Year of Simplicity happen, all the crap and overwhelming stuff that stresses me out will also begin to wipe away. Unstressed mommy = patient mommy = funny/loving mommy.

* If you haven’t read up on The Year of Simplicity please take a peek and then tackle parts One, Two and Three of the plan that have been posted.

6.  Um, there really is no fear here, unless it’s the fear of being thirsty. Drink a gallon of water every day. I have been following some of these amazing stories and pictures of women drinking a gallon of water per day and the results in their skin and health. I’m a sucker for before and afters, with these being amazing I got nothing to lose except maybe the minutes I’ll be racking up in the bathroom.

I hope you all have spent some selfish time on your own goals for 2015 and if not, that you are inspired to do so soon! Maybe you too need to face some fears or do some soul searching. Feel free to share yours in order to fully make them heard and acknowledged by others.

Happy New Year!!

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