P.M.G. or Prevention of Mommy Genes

PMG

I’ve decided to start fundraising. The cause is P.M.G. or Prevention of Mommy Genes. This weekend I have been working on the flyers and jars asking for donations. Next weekend I’ll be working on putting together a call sheet of local businesses that I’ll be contacting for contributions and services. After all, tis’ the season to give. Volunteers are more than welcomed to join my efforts.

For those of you not familiar with P.M.G it’s a disease that is usually contracted after having your first child and the condition worsens with each additional child added to your family. It has been shown that lack of treating Burnt Toast Syndrome can cause the disease as well as being subjected to too many days of situations inflecting loss of patience. Another factor that is a strong contributor is the undying love and adoration that a mommy has for her offspring, which leads to the affected individual putting the needs of her little ones before her own.

Symptoms may include but are not limited to the following:

* Excessive coffee drinking.

* Lack of showering for consecutive days.

* Forgoing personal indulgences due to finances being put forth for toys, diapers and 529 plans.

* Affected individual may look at fingernails/toenails numerous times a day thinking “I need a manicure/pedicure” and then cannot remember the last time she had one.

* Remembers snacks, field trip forms, sippy cups, letting out the dog, paying bills etc. only to forget HER water/coffee/purse/meal etc.

* Often day dreams of sleeping in a dark, quiet hotel room/a massage/showering alone or watching all her DVR’d programs.

* Often wears same jeans/yoga pants/sweat shirt every day.

* Cussing repeatedly to self numerous times of day, hoping offspring will not hear and ask “What does *%&#$% mean?”

* Individual can sometimes be found wandering aimlessly in aisles of Target.

* Has a deep loathing for laundry, cooking and doing the dishes.

* Buys product based solely on the opinion of someone who can barely talk or talks too much (i.e. someone between ages of 0-18 years).

* Hates and loves Facebook all at one time.

* multitask beyond the normal ability of other humans.

* Really doesn’t own anything of her own since little fingers or permanent markers find their way to it eventually.

* Waits for grandma like a predator in search of food, pouncing the minute the prey is seen.

* May have the tendency to eat/take a phone call/just sit in laundry room/pantry/bathroom for privacy.

* Sometimes affected individuals may be found in groups as those with similar symptoms are drawn to one another.

A group of activists believe that companies such as Pampers, Toys R Us, Target and large coffee distributors may be behind the suppressing of efforts to find a cure for P.M.G. If cured and/or prevented, much of the profits of these companies would vanish.

Many philosophers and motivational speakers have been quoted as stating “it only takes one” to start a movement. What better one to start with than myself! In curing myself of this disease I hope to start a movement that will inspire others affected by this heinous disease to seek treatment.

So I ask you to please give abundantly to my cause. Funds collected will be used for much-needed manicure, pedicure, babysitter, massage and other prevention necessities for one Brooke Halperin.

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4 thoughts on “P.M.G. or Prevention of Mommy Genes

  1. Nadia says:

    OMG, this is so right on point! I’ll donate to your cause. I’m also going to try to take you out for a girls night dinner, topped off with what else? Coffee! Yay us!

    Like

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