Friday Funnies

chaos

It’s that time of the week again! Time to laugh at all the slip-ups of being a mommy and a woman.  Here is the notable chaos of the week in no particular order with lots of links to previous articles for your reading enjoyment :).

1. I was excited about all the things Brax would learn in Pre-K. The word wiener was not one that I predicted. I also didn’t predict hearing Braxton jumping on his bed saying “hold my wiener” …. this lead to an awkward conversation and me using the term “if I hear you say it again, I’m going to put soap in your mouth.” Something I had, in my previous life of non-parent, said I would never do.

2. Grandma came to visit this week. She always brings the kids donut holes (mind you she never brings me a delicious coffee, this is how your children begin to take your spot of gift receiving when YOUR mom becomes the almighty Grandma). To avoid the sugar rush of the holes I texted G-Ma before her arrival requesting that she not bring them. I should have known better. Instead Grandma brought PEZ dispensers and extra PEZ for all three spawns of fury. Along with the pure sugar came not one but 3 Michael Myers (think Halloween horror scenes) music playing sanity-depleting puppets. Please imagine the song (times three) playing over and over for the last three days.

3. Needing to get dressed for a mommy date I had snuck quietly away, making sure not to make a sound or turn on a light to signal the troops that I was upstairs. Their radar must have picked up that I wasn’t in a 10 feet radius and within minutes all three were upstairs. All three proceeded to get naked and take over my bathroom, grabbing makeup, asking me what this was and what that did, poking one another in the belly button while screaming and two of the three peeing on the floor. What a relaxing start to an evening …

4. As I pulled out of the driveway for my mommy date, I gave the house one final look. Oh what’s that? Just my twins, NAKED, screaming, crying and pounding on the screen door for the neighborhood to see. Waiting a moment thinking their daddy would be there to usher the twosome gruesome back behind closed doors, I sat at the end of the driveway. No daddy to be seen, just nakedness and screaming. So out the car I ran to handle one more mommy situation before heading out.

5. While innocently minding my own business, watching the kids take a bath I witnessed the following: Brax fills a cup with water, tops it with bubble bath suds and says, “Want a beer Travis?”

6. I needed sprinkles for Brax’s class Halloween party for cookies I would never come to eat or see. To avoid going to the red devil, Target, I figured I would pick them up at the health store when I was there for vitamins. Um, 6.99 for sprinkles? I think not. Over to Walgreens across the street I headed. Guess what? Walgreens is too cool to carry sprinkles, they only have funfetti frosting, sprinkles inside.  So where did I find myself headed in the early hours prior to taking my eldest minion to school? That’s right … TARGET.

7.  With it finally being fall in Chicagoland I decided on a t-shirt rather than a tank top for my Thursday night yoga class. During a downward dog with leg in the air, the chosen t-shirt quickly decides it’s time for a show, slides over my torso and over my head revealing my twin skin in all its pale glory reflecting off the room of mirrors.

8. Early Wednesday morning I heard Brax in his bathroom. This was out of the ordinary since usually he uses the powder room on the main floor during the 6 am hour.  I’ll save you the details and just let you know he was going number two, so I figured maybe he had wanted privacy. I went upstairs to check on him. It must have not been privacy he had wanted but a change of scenery because as I walked into the bathroom he was standing in front of the window looking out , curtain pulled back with one hand and with the other hand wiping his little butt. Sigh.

9.  This morning mother nature decided that Halloween would be a great day for it to snow. Later on my kids decided it was the perfect day for it to also snow inside. As I walked down the stairs from restocking diapers I hear Brax yell, “Mom! It’s snowing in the kitchen!” As I turn the corner I am faced with my three little Halloween goblins, Nemo, a chicken and Spider-Man throwing popcorn up into the air and across the room. Sigh.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

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