I fought Facebook when it first came out. The last thing I wanted was weirdos looking me up and friending me. If I wasn’t your friend in person why would I be your friend in cyber space? Then like everyone else I wanted to be cool so I made a profile.
Now I realize I’m lucky I did. In doing so I’m able to “mommy online date”. I can keep in touch with a couple of awesome moms I met through a small group put together for moms of newborns through a year old by the maternity ward of where my first son was born. I highly recommend looking into these groups (just Google your local hospitals and look into programs offered). They are not only educational but there is a big feeling of “me too” there. Moms go through so much, mentally, physically and emotionally after having a baby that it does take a village to get it together.
Through Facebook we are also able to creep (DON’T PRETEND THAT YOU DON’T … you shouldn’t be reading this then) on potential mommy daters. Most of us love to talk about ourselves so it’s easy to find out if a mommy likes grass fed meats and trashy magazines or raunchy television and Martha Stewart recipes. Once we find a mommy that is deemed dateable we can also setup play dates and have conversations without even leaving the comfort of our home or actually speaking to a living breathing human in front of us. All thanks to Facebook, our own personal Match.com for mommies and creepers!
Another form of mommy online dating is Meetup.com. Somehow I got incredibly lucky during our move to Texas four years ago. After utilizing Meetup.com I stumbled across a group of women that accepted me with open arms. I highly recommend this type of dating for those with one with one baby or a first born, you don’t have as many “matching qualifications” during this point in mommy-hood. Some of my best memories and friends were made in that group. Those women cared for me like a sister and for my son, like their own. I was able to laugh with them. Cry with them. Wear no makeup with them. Gain weight with them. Eat and drink with them. Yell at my kid in front of them. And a million other things that we do behind closed doors. They never judged. I’ve also heard some really scary stories of Meetup, scary meaning cliques and mean mommies. With everything, where there is good there also comes bad. There are also toxic friendships. Some women that are friendly to your face, but not so nice behind your back. I’ve been lucky enough to have these come to light. As a woman it is sometimes hard to realize these “dark clouds”. As I get older I realize it’s easier to recognize them and avoid the rain they bring. Why surround yourself with negativity or misery when there is so much good out there and so many others waiting to adore you with their friendship. I encourage all you mommies to look at those friends that surround you. Are they benefiting your life and bringing the sunshine in or are they just raining on your parade?
Becoming pregnant with twins and then after their birth I was pushed into Mommy dating again. Holy shit, not so easy. But once again through the Meetup group and a blessing from God, I found a friend that not only spent almost everyday for months with me but made me smile each of those days. It also was a huge, big, fat, juicy cherry on top that my first born fell in love with her daughter, they too became best friends. Now that we are a number of states away from one another we are able to watch one another’s children grow via the feed of, yet again, Facebook.
Another great online mommy dating tool is Bigtent.com. After having my twins I was able to find some really great groups to talk to via the internet. It was hard getting out and about with three little ones, especially when two are breastfeeding, pooping ten times a day each, sleeping 18 hours a day and the third is potty training and fighting schedules all together. Bigtent was my life line (from the comfort of my nightgown saturated with spit-up) to figuring out this whole twin thing amongst mommies that had already done their time under the watchful eye of twins. Whatever your mommy situation may be it’s a possibility that Bigtent has a group for you, or you could always start one.
And how could I not reference blogs! There are a number of mommy bloggers out there trying to figure out this whole raising children thing too. There are a number of bloggers that I follow for recipes, health and just general “me too” articles. It’s a great support system to keep your spirits up when we all have our own tantrums.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some weird interactions with some mommies via online dating outlets. I’ve also had those toxic friendships. I’ve also had cases of “it’s not you, it’s me” scenarios where we just didn’t click. But just like men, you gotta “kiss” a lot of losers before you find your prince or mommy friend.
Feel free to share your online mommy dating experiences too! I always need a good laugh, and it’s even better when I’m not laughing at myself but at someone else.