After not attending church for three months I decided to attend this morning at 9 am sans the family. With my husband not being the church going type and my little ones being so little, after talking with my mother in-law I came to the conclusion that it was something that I may just needed to do on my own rather than giving it up to match my family’s wants. So I made sure every one was fed, got dressed and headed over. For some, church is just an absolute or a way of life that you just do. For me, it’s different. For me it’s an hour to myself, my thoughts and my higher power. A time when my heart, mind and prayers combine in one breath. It becomes almost a time of meditation and once I leave I always feel refreshed. I figured that after the last couple of months that I have had as a mom and as a woman that if I heard something that hit a chord I was in the right direction of where I was going.
Sitting in the last pew I listened while going in between my own thoughts, the words being said and written in the bulletin. Then the sermon came entitled “A Change of Mind.” As the reverend spoke the wheels of my head and heart began to turn and spark. He told a story about a cook who was looking to be a chef and the journey he took. After traveling across the world, taking a position at a 5 star Italian restaurant he was asked to create a meal for some well known foodies. He had the option to either make a fillet of fresh fish that he had never worked with or to serve a dessert the restaurant was well known for and that he had made numerous times before. He chose the latter. But when asked by a dear friend as to why he didn’t take the risk of making the filet and making the leap from just a cook to a chef, rather than just going through the motions of what he already knew how to do, it hit him that he was moving in any direction at all to fulfillment of his dreams.
In my head this translates “from cook to chef” to “from mother to mom.” I know how to be a mother, I know how to cook, clean, change diapers, give baths, give medicines, check books out a the library, successfully do school drop-off and pick-up and all the rest of it. But was I a mom? Have I taken the leap from mother to mom? Was I fulfilling that dream and staying true to my commitment? Because a mom does all a mother can do but does it with love. A mom gives hugs and kisses, read stories, plays, tickles, listens, holds hands, teaches and protects and so much more.
As I go over these separate checklists in my head I know that I am at fault for just being a mother on some days but then I know that there are days when I am the best mom. When I am broken, tired and stressed it’s hard to be a mom and not just a mother. But then again I am human. My kids love me and I love them. My husband loves me and I love him. God loves me and I love him. But I also love myself, so even though I strive to travel in the direction of becoming a mom more so than just a mother, I do give myself permission to just be a mother on the days that I can’t be a mom. My kids will still love me and they will still be cared for even if I don’t make a craft that day. But I also challenge those who haven’t taken that leap from mother to mom, who don’t stop to breathe in the smell of their children or hug and kiss their dirty little faces. It all disappears so fast, don’t let it go without living it through the eyes of a mom rather than just a mother.